Angels and death....

A post that should have been posted in August:

Riley has told me at night time, since this all started, that, "The Angels are here." It's something that I hold dear to my heart because I truly believe they are around us helping and watching over us. And I'm so glad that Riley can see them and know they are there for him. It's so comforting.
With in the last 2 months he started to see them during the day too. In fact the last time we went to chemo, he said, "Mom, the angels are with us, they are going to help you drive so we don't crash, they protect us." And they did!!!
We even went into the Bank and he saw them there too! I was a little relieved to know the bank wasn't going to get robbed!!
I feel so so blessed to be Riley's mom. He is so strong and so special. I know when I look at him and see a little sick boy, all I have to do is look a little further and know his spirit is as strong as men. How come I was blessed with this amazing boy?

Within the last 2 weeks Riley started talking about death. He says ever so often that he doesn't want to die. He asks all the time if it will hurt. He even wanted to know different ways that people can die. I ended up telling him that most people will die when they are grandpa's and grandma's, and he got mad and said, "Well then I don't want to even grow up"!! Then he realized that dad and I are growing up and asked if we were going to die soon.
After some serious thought, he asked, "where do we go when we die?" I said, "heaven." He said, "then how will we live in our house?" I said, "we won't." He just started bawling and said "but I love my house, And I love my pillow and my bed." So I said, "okay, okay, settle down, I bet our house and pillow and blanket will be in heaven too."

I think it's crazy and sad that my now 6 year old is thinking of these things. I want him to be thinking about where he is going to play next and coloring and jumping.


As his mom, selfishly,  I want to tell heavenly father that I need my son. Please don't take him. Please let him live and be here with me. Please don't let him hurt or suffer anymore. But please keep sending the angels so he knows he is protected and being watched over.

People have told me that before we came to earth, Riley chose this as his trial and I chose to be his mom and take care of him through it too. All I have to say about that is, I'm going to have a long talk with H.F. when I get up there and make sure this cancer stuff gets cured..... real fast!!!